


By Your Side

by DeadlyBingo



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, olicity - Freeform, tumblr repost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 07:13:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8739766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadlyBingo/pseuds/DeadlyBingo
Summary: When Oliver worked with Felicity’s father to solve a tough case, Noah Cutler revealed the existence of his other daughter, a younger sibling who Felicity never even imagined could exist.  Now Felicity needs to work through her own difficult past while also trying to readjust to working closely with Oliver on Team Arrow. (set late season 4)





	

Initially, she just wanted a few pictures of Hannah… something to make this news seem _real_ , a kick to _force_ her brain into beginning to process this monumental revelation rather than just pretending it was happening to someone else.  

But as Felicity clicked through countless Instagram pictures and Facebook albums, her mental dam broke open to let through a flood of questions. Where did this girl live? What did she like? Did she play any sports? Prefer to read? Was she better at holding her tongue or did she babble on like Felicity? With every partial answer she got, Felicity felt a stronger and stronger need to discover more about this girl.

Hannah’s social media pages quickly led to easily hacked online yearbooks for one private school after another, national gymnastic competition rankings and videos, an Amazon wish list of fantasy books and baking supplies.  But when Felicity stumbled upon a picture of Noah, of _their_ father, with his arm proudly wrapped around his other daughter’s shoulders at a middle school graduation, it _clicked_. 

_Noah had been involved in all of it._

Oliver had learned about Noah’s other child when the team pulled the Calculator from prison to assist in a case involving his former employer.  In an attempt to obtain a deal and ultimately shorten his prison sentence, Noah had dropped the bomb about wanting to be out of jail in time to attend his _other daughter’s_ high school graduation in three years. But when Oliver brought this information to Felicity, they both assumed Noah was exaggerating.  That he couldn’t have _really_ been involved in this other girl’s life.  But, as everything Felicity was finding continued to prove, they were wrong.

Noah popped up in the audience during videos of school plays or gymnastic competitions; he had taken out ads in yearbooks to proclaim how proud he was of his girl; he had opened a bank account in Hannah’s name, where $20 was deposited at the end of each week… Heck, he even paid the astronomical bills every summer for sleep-away camps located all over the country.  

And Felicity knew in her heart that every time her half-sister gone away on an expensive trip, she _never_ had to worry about her father still being there when she returned.  She never had to question how he would praise her for one of her accomplishments.  She never had to wish he was there for hug after a rough day.   _Not like Felicity always did._  All those times she had cried herself to sleep, hoping beyond any reason that her dad would return if she could just make herself _worthy_ of his love, he was halfway across the country, giving the time she so desperately craved to a different daughter.

Felicity had once convinced herself, or at least _tried_ to convince herself, that her father had left because he _couldn’t_ be a father.  Her mother had repeatedly proclaimed that Noah didn’t even deserve to be in the lives of the Smoak women.  But… what if they had been wrong?  What if it was the Smoak women who weren’t worthy of sharing _his_ life?  Because clearly he had done just fine with a different family.  A better one.

As she combed through pictures of vacations and father/daughter dances, Felicity was forced to reevaluate everything she had once tried to hold onto as fact. It wasn’t that Noah could not be a good father.  It was that he didn’t want to be _her_ father.  And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to ruin _Felicity’s_ potential by being a negative influence, it was because this girl clearly had _more_ potential.  Hannah had straight A’s in school while competing nationally for gymnastics _and_ volunteering every Sunday at an animal shelter. Sure, Felicity may have been good with computers, but she was also terribly uncoordinated as a child and frequently had trouble fitting in at school.  Maybe Noah had left when he figured out that Felicity didn’t deserve _him_. Maybe he wanted something _more_ than a smart, awkward girl and her ditzy mother.  He needed someone with the potential he thought he deserved in a daughter. And _clearly_ he had gotten it.

“Felicity, what… what are you still doing here?”

Felicity felt her breath catch as she looked up to see Oliver approaching from the bunker’s elevator, pulling off his mask as he walked.  He had left earlier for a mission with John and Thea, but she didn’t expect him to be back so soon.  

“When you didn’t jump in on the comms we all assumed you had gone home…”

Clearly it wasn’t _that_ soon if the team had already finished their mission… Felicity didn’t even remember hearing their conversations.  She must have muted the comms when she was hacking into videos of her Hannah’s most recent gymnastics competition or looking up her half-sister’s most recent report cards. Felicity heart raced.  How could she have been so distracted? So _selfish_? What if something had happened to the team?  All because she was wrapped up in her own problems.

“How are you doing?” Oliver prompted, taking a few steps closer.  No matter how out of it she was at the moment, she couldn’t miss his hands flexing nervously at his sides.  He _wanted_ to reach out to her and, on some level, she wanted him to do exactly that.  But he _couldn’t_.  She couldn’t let him.  It was hard enough working together again. Seeing him every day. Felicity knew they _couldn’t_ cross that line.  Especially in a time like this, when they’d both be tempted to fall into the additional… comfort Oliver could so easily provide her.  And the last thing she could deal with at this moment was for her life to become even _more_ complicated.

“Honestly? Like _shit_ ,” Felicity answered, running her hands over her face and wincing at how oily it felt. “I’m starting to think this is all some cruel joke from the universe. It’s just one thing after another.  I get kidnapped, _shot_ , lose my ability to walk, lose… lose you… Us.  Now _this_? I can’t catch a freaking _break-_ ” Felicity cut herself off as Oliver winced in reaction to her words.

“I’m sorry… Maybe I-”

“You had to tell me.  You were _right_ to tell me,” Felicity assured him, waving her hand dismissively in the air. She knew the decision to reveal this news to her hadn’t been an easy one for him.  Oliver had knew what her father’s abandonment had caused for her.  But he was right to reveal the truth, even if it didn’t feel like it at this moment. “It’s not _you_ that made the mistake Oliver…”

Oliver’s mouth drew into a taut line. He hadn’t misconstrued the meaning behind her words. “It was _him_ ,” he stressed, taking a few steps closer before he knelt down beside Felicity’s chair to ensure she met his eyes before he continued. “This is _his_ fault, Felicity.  Not yours.  You were _seven_. _Nothing_ was _your_ fault.” Oliver’s breath caught in his throat as he finished his sentence.

“I _could_ have-”

Oliver cut Felicity’s thoughts off, his voice now unsteady, “You didn’t make the _decision_ , it was made for you.  And you’re allowed to be angry about that… angry at _him_ about that.  You didn’t get to make that choice that affected the _rest of your life_.  You were just a _kid_ … Everything was _his_ fault, not yours.”

Felicity tried not to look at the tears forming in the corners of her ex-fiance’s eyes.  She could barely hold back her own anymore.

“I _want_ to be mad at him.  I _know_ I should be mad at him… But I’m not.  I’m just _crushed_ ,” Felicity knew she shouldn’t be admitting these feelings to Oliver.  These weren’t the types of burdens you laid on just _anyone_ in your life… but for some reason, her heart just couldn’t get the message that Oliver wasn’t _supposed_ to be her confidant anymore.  But at some point she had shifted from having to push herself to open up to him to not being able to stop herself.

“I feel like a kid all over again…” she sighed. “Everything I spent _years_ telling myself was unreasonable to believe, that he _didn’t_ love us, that we _weren’t_ enough… it was _true_.  My whole life could have been so different.  I could have had him there, I could have gone to space camp, I didn’t have to see my mom spend every Sunday pouring over unpaid bills and begging for yet another shift at crappy waitressing job.  I could have had a life like _hers_ ,” Felicity motioned to a computer screen, where the blonde teenager posed in front of the Disney World sign with her father.  With _their_ father. “I could have been someone _better._ Happier. It _all_ could have been different.”

“Felicity…”

Raking her fingers through her hair, Felicity dropped her voice to a whisper, “I almost wish I could _hate_ her, you know?  That she seemed like a bad person or she wasn’t very smart or pretty… but she’s _not_ someone who deserves to be hated.  Not even close.  She’s just an innocent kid who got to _enjoy_ having her father around.”

Oliver paused before asking his next question, his face hesitant, “Do you want to meet her?  One day?”

“I don’t know… maybe? Not now though… _Definitely_ not now. I need to wrap my mind around all of this first. I need to tell my mom- _God_ this is going to be too much for her… Maybe I _shouldn’t_ …” Felicity knew how hypocritical the words sounded coming out of her mouth.  The she was even considering keeping such a massive secret from her mother under the guise that it was for Donna’s own good… After _everything_ lies had done to the other most important relationship in her life…

“Donna’s stronger than you give her credit for, Felicity.  So are _you_.  And whatever you decide, I’ll be by your side as much as you need me. No matter what we are now… you know that I’ll always be there for you…”

Felicity nodded, knowing that even though she had once sworn she would never fully trust him again, she still believed every word he was saying.

“How about you get up and go take a shower?” Oliver prompted, “That should help.  I’ll wait here and then we can figure out the next steps. But you don’t need to worry about that right now.  One step at a time…”

* * *

Oliver had been right. Stepping away from her station, some of Thea’s coconut shampoo, and throwing on the sweats she kept in the bunker had taken at least _some_ of the weight off her shoulders after _hours_ of obsessively combing through her half-sister’s online footprint.   _At least it allowed her to think straight again_.  And she knew even more of that stress would be relieved upon getting home, wrapping herself in a comforter, and attempting to get some sleep.

But when she walked out of the locker room, expecting (even eager) to see Oliver waiting at her station, he _wasn’t_ there.  

Felicity was tempted to laugh at the _irony_ of her situation.  Opening up about her abandonment issues had caused yet another man to leave her behind. It was only her luck.

But before Felicity could resign herself to heading home and hopping back onto her laptop for more self-inflicted pain, she noticed the light creeping out from under the sleeping quarter’s closed door.  

Oliver didn’t budge when she opened the door.  He was laying back on a cot, hands behind his head, and eyes squeezed shut.  Anyone else would have assumed he were sleeping, but Felicity knew this posture by now.  That rhythmic breathing.  The crease between his brow. How he barely bit his lower lip. _Something_ was wrong.  

The name popped into her head before she even knew where the connection had come from.

“You’re thinking about William now… aren’t you?” The words fell out of Felicity’s mouth before she had time to consider the consequences of saying them.  There had been enough tension, enough pain, between her and Oliver without opening _that_ particular door.  But now, with her struggling with a father who hadn’t been in her life, Oliver attempting to move on with his after losing William, the similarities were impossible to ignore.  

Oliver’s eyes opened but they remained trained on the ceiling. “I don’t… I-” Oliver stuttered before biting his lips and allowing his eyes to fall to Felicity, who still hovered in the doorway, “I don’t _know…_ ” he mumbled.  

But she understood.  It wasn’t that he didn’t know what he was thinking about, it was that he didn’t know what to tell her, _how_ to tell her without pouring salt into wounds that had barely started to heal.  Without crossing the line that _Felicity_ had drawn in the sand.  She had known why that line was there for her, it was an attempt to protect her heart, but she hadn’t fully realized what it would do to Oliver.  

“You can bring him up to me you know… it’d be kind of weird if we _avoided_ the topic when we’re trying to rebuild the… the _trust_ we once had.  When we’re trying to be a team again.  No matter what, he’s part of your life, even if he’s not _currently_ in your life.  We should be able to talk about these things…”

“I just figured now, with your dad and everything, it’s not really my time to work through whatever fears I need to work through.”

Felicity crossed the room, sitting at the foot of Oliver’s cot, her hand hovering above his leg before resting beside it.  “What are you afraid of, Oliver? Tell me.  Just because we’re not,” Felicity paused, attempting to plan her words carefully rather than letting them spill out of her mouth.  They were on thin enough ice as it were. “We were close before we dated, you know… We _talked_. A lot.”

Oliver paused, focusing his eyes once more on the ceiling before letting out a long exhale.

“What if William feels the same way as you do?” he questioned, his voice small. “What if _one day_ we-” Oliver stopped, adjusting his words as he caught his mistake, “I mean, what if one day _I_ have another kid? One I could actually see grow up?  Provide support and love… And then when I get to see William again, _if_ I get to see him again, he resents me for never giving him what I could give to a different child?  That his whole life could have been _different_ if _I_ had made a different decision.”

One may assume when a heart breaks, it all happens at once.  But Felicity could feel her heart tearing in half, ever so slowly, each nerve individually snapping as she watched Oliver fight back his own tears.  He was _right_ _there_ , in a pain similar to her own, struggling with the pain of broken families and no right decisions.  And it was _so damn stupid_ that all they could do right now, after years of being _everything_ to one another, was provide cliche phrases and maybe a pat on the back.  And Felicity knew that if there were any time to cross her line, even just by putting a toe over it, it was _tonight_.

Felicity crawled up the edge of the cot, positioning herself along Oliver’s side and resting her head on his shoulder.  Oliver’s body stiffened initially but with a long exhale, she could feel his shoulder relax and his arm wrap around her upper back. For a moment she just enjoyed the familiar comfort of his scent, the rhythm of his breaths, the way his skin warmed, ever so slightly, under her touch.  She had known he wouldn’t question her joining him.  He, like she, didn’t have the energy for that conversation now.  They just needed each other.  Like they always had.  Like they always would.  Whether they were friends, or partners, or _anything more_.

“I won’t pretend that can’t happen,” she finally admitted, wishing she could just lie and tell him it would all be okay. “But I do know that once William gets a chance to _know_ you as his father, he’ll _have_ to understand that you and Samantha did everything you did in order to protect him.  He’ll know that you loved him, that you will _always_ love him.  And I can promise you that I will be by your side for whatever comes. No matter what happens.”

“Thank you…” Oliver whispered, turning his head to press his lips to her hair.  The motion was small, even platonic, but it sent the wave of reassurance through Felicity that she had been craving all day.

And in that moment Felicity knew that no matter how much the rest of her world changed, no matter who else walked in or out of it, Oliver would always be her constant.  Whether as her love, her partner, or just her friend.  He would always be by her side, and she would be by his.  

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fic I posted a while ago on Tumblr (where I post most of my Olicity work under Deadlybingo). Since I'm playing with a sequel, I figured I'd share the first oneshot here too!


End file.
